BelarUS Epic
by Superpear8
Summary: Just a little something a friend and I have been writing lately about America and Belarus. Also has FrUK, RusCan, Spamano, S. Korea x Aniki and a hint of PruHun. Warning: CRACK! XD
1. Chapter 1

LALALALALALALALA CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

PART 1 of CHAPTER 1

By MK and AB and EC

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A YOUNG NATION NAMED SEARAND.  
>HE KILLED PEOPLE FOR FUN. HE ALSO ATE THEM! OMNOMNOMNOMNOM, "YUMMY PEOPLE!"<p>

One day Searand was busy stuffing his face with British carcass when suddenly out popped ITALY!

"ITALY WASSUP MY HOME BOI HOW U DOIN WASSSSUUUUUUPPPP"

"IM fine searand, why are you eating England?"

"Cause he taste oooo sooo good." He continued to eat.

"OOH DEM BROWS." he made a weird face.

Then France appears. Wearing a turtleneck.

A WILD FRANCE APPEARED. SEARAND USED EAT OMNOMNOMNOMNOM  
>FRANCE IS KO'ED. OMNOMNOM<p>

As Searand and Italy were busy eating France and England, America and Belarus were in DISNEYLAND.

SO AMWERICA TWIED TO KISS BELARUS, BUT SHE STUNG HIM CAUSE SHE IS A BEE   
>AMERICA WAS LIKE "OW! BABY BABAY BABY NOOOOO!"<br>And Bealrus was like "BABY BABY BABY YES."  
>And America was like " THOUGHT YOU'D ALWAYS BE MINE (mine)."<br>THEN SHE POLLINATED HIM AND HE (*in deep Ganondorf voice*)DIED!  
>DIED DIED DIED DIED. DEATH!<p>

THEN SEALAND CAME AND ATE HIS DEAD BODY, AND THEN HE HAD TERRIBLE SICKNESS AND BARFED.  
>But Belarus felt sorry for America so she ressurected him from the dead CAUSE SHES BELARUSIAN AND THAT'S HOW THEY ROLL COOL OLD SCHOOL.<p>

And then it started raining CRACK (hallelujah!).  
>And France (who was missing some limbs due to Seareands eating disorder) came with his turtle neck and started rejoicing.<p>

And then a wild Feliciano appeared. Riding a gondola. Saying "They see me rollin, they hatin."

THEN CANADA LAUNCHED A NUCLEAR BOMB AND THEY ALL DIED!  
>JUST KIDDING!<br>IN REALITY CANADA JUST SHOT A DOUBLE RAINBOW OUT OF HIS MOUTH.  
>CANADA ROLLED IN THE BLOOD OF THE EATEN UP NATIONS IN SEARANDS STOMACH.<br>BUT THE DOUBLE RAINBOW WAS TOO INTENSE FOR RUSSIA SO HE BECAME ONE WITH CHINA.

And then justin beiber came with a purple machine gun of death and murdered them all. And ruled the world.  
>THEN CANADA ATE HIS FRIEND BEIBER, AND THEY BECAME SUPER CANADIAN<br>FROM CANADA.  
>IN AMERICA.<br>But as America died... he sent out the final weapon... REBECCA BLACK! *cue dramatic dun dun dunnnn music.*

REBECCA BLACK USED FRIDAY. JOKE GOT OLD, SO THEN SHE USED THIS IS MY MOMENT. MY MOMENTTTTTTTTTTTTTT THEN SHE SPINNED AROUND AND BLEW BUBBLES! BUBBLES XD BUBUBUBUBUBUBUBUBBLES MAH BUBBLES.

MY MOMENT.

REBBECCA KILLED THE WILD JUST IN BIEBER WITH HER AUTOTUNE

CANADA, WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW?

Run.  
>Unleash another creepy singer.<br>Use Pokeball.  
>Use Item.<p>

CANADA THEN MERGED WITH SEALAND  
>And they formed an ultimate CONTINENT.<p>

The world couldn't resist becoming one with Mother Russia.  
>YO.<br>MOTHA RUSSIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...  
>MOTHER F***ING RUSSIA<p>

Then a wild Russia appeared... looking drunk and holding a bottle of VODKA.

PART 2 of CHAPTER 1

By EC and MK

Canadasearand used maple syrup  
>Wild Russia has fain—passed out.<br>Now nobody can be one with MOTHA RUSSIA. D:  
>Then when he woke up he realized that SOMEONE HAD TRAPPED HIM IN A BOX.<p>

From outside, he could hear the wicked laughter of his capturer...

"!"

OH NOES ITS NYAN CAT THE MOST POWERFUL CREATURE IN THE ENTIRE MEMEVERSE!  
>(what about lol cats lololol)<br>oh yeah but they are too busy liking cheezburgers to fight pokemon style.

Quick Russia! Use Eduard Khil!

Nyan Cat:  
>What will you do?<p>

NYAN CAT USES RAINBOW SURFER POWERS!  
>It's super effective!<p>

Eduard Khil flees!

Russia glared daggers at the man standing across from him.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY EDDIE YOU WERE MY BEST !"

Belarus appeared (as a ghost because she was so devastated at America's jumping off a cliff to save her from evil Nyans that she commited suicide wait a second they both died because of sharks and sharp rocks and whatnot but MOVING ON) and started reassuring her brudder.

She told him about how her and her boyfriend America will be resurrected if they find... GRAY SPAGHETTI!

So, Russia decides to go on this epic ques... wait he's still in a box... erm...

The box busted open! Russia was greeted harshly by a slap across the face. Who was the perpertrator? None other than GERMANY!

"Oops sorry wrong box."

Okay then Germany nao GO AWAY! (jk).

so Russia begins his quest. So... where should he go to find the gray SPAGHETTI?

So... where would one find spaghetti? hmm... how about mr. shizzy romano?

So Russia finds romano and they duke it out in the most epic Hetaliamon battle .

Russia: USE VODKA!

Romano quickly counterattacked.

This is one tough battle.

What should Russia do?  
>Flee<br>Distract Romano and grab the gray spaghetti  
>Use POkeball<br>Use item

So MOTHA RUSSIA distracts romano with a picture of his brudder Feliciano (i miss u already 3) who died because Searand ate him on his cracktastic rage and join-up with canada.

so Romano secretly had feelings for Feliciano (Remember the golden rule Romano: INCEST AIN'T WINCEST!)... and started sobbing...  
>so Russia grabbed the gray spaghetti and headed back to resurrect his sista and her boyfriend... just cuz.<p>

so they are resurrected and start passionately making out just like in those crappy movies... i'm sorry they are crappy.

Russia was extremely grossed out and ran off to go throw up his lunch of vodka.

So they return to their vacay to DISNEYLAND (squee!).

So they're just chillin, all hell yeah im in DIsneyland. Ridin some roller coasters, being molested by those characters, eatin some food, SHOPPAAAAAAANG for disney gear and whatnot...

but then... a wild Searand in a drunken high rage appears... uh oh... when Searand appears in Disneyland you know sh*t is about to go . *oh snap!*

America needed to save the day 'cause he's the hero! He said "BRB" to Belarus while she hid in a random broom closet. America rushed outside and pressed some random button on his magical burger watch that made him transform magically into a superhero with superpowers!

America grinned. "THIS IS WHAT I'LL DO I'LL SIT ON YOU. SIT ON YOU. SIT ON YOU."

Sealand shielded his hooded, bloodshot eyes from the horror.

"Nnnnoooo..." he groaned. "Too ugly..." then he flopped on the ground and the Disney paramedics took him away to pump his stomach.

America transformed magically back into his regular self and returned to his faithful girlfriend. Then they resumed having fun at Disneyland.

One night, they were (some where romantic gah ive never been to disneyland). America bent down on one knee and pulled something out of his pocket. It was a ring! Oh snap!

"Belarus, will you marry me?"

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Chapter 2

"Belarus, will you marry me?"

Her eyes shone with happiness. "YES! YES YES YES YES YES!"  
>And they start passionately making out like in those bad romance movies again... until the Disney police tell them that there are children here...<p>

They then ran off into the park where they... started doing flips!

But then a drunken Searand appeared. His wittle tummy is all betta nao. So he can DRINK. so he's drunk.

"Hey... guys, I have a soorpraiz fur joo..."

"OOH IS IT A TOASTER?" said America.

Belarus fish slapped him. "America, you're ruining the moment!"

America apologized.

Searand stumbled over to them and reached into his pocket. He took out a toaster.

"ALL TOASTERS TOAST TOAST," he said... "It's dangerous to go alone; take this!"

Searand handed the toaster to America.

"Thanks..." America said slowly, then led Belarus away.

"No problemo señor... you will need this on your epic quest," Sealand whispered to their retreating shadows.

Just then a wild Norway appeared with a violin and SLIT SEALAND'S THROAT! OH NOES! D:

Norway, see, was on a killing spree because Denmark divorced him.

Bad Denmark... who would pass up somebody who's hot and Norwegian?

That's Denmark for you.

America and his fiancee went back and started planning their wedding.

"There's gonna be pooooonies, and floooooowers, and poooooonies, and rainboooooooooooows, and flooooowers... and pooooonies..."

Then, somewhere we cut to Iggy's grave... but something magical happened. Dem magical browwwz resurrected him... OMG IGGYS ALIVE AND HE WILL KILL YOU WITH HIS COOKING AND BRITISHNESS AND BROWS AND WHATNOT.

England stood over his own grave, looking himself over. "Whatho! I actually look quite decent pip pip cheerio!"

Suddenly his lover ran out of the bushes. He had just been coming to leave flowers over England's grave.

"_Mon cher_!" France ran into England arms and they hugged each other really really tightly.

France was crying tears of absolute joy. "I thought you were dead, _Angleterre_..." he whispered.

"I was..." England pulled back and looked France in the face. "But now I'm back with you."

So they frolicked into the meadow, where they met the antagonist of our crack-induced story, CHINA (aru).

China approached the happy couple and aimed a glare straight at England's face.

"YO OPIUM ARU."

England jumped, startled, and slowly turned to China. France looked from over England's shoulder at the Asian nation standing before them.

He brought them over to a computer... which was a blank word document with a youtube link.

"_Click the link, aru," _he said.  
>.comwatch?v=XZ5TajZYW6Y

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahah... aru"

England glared daggers at China.

And China disappeared... capturing poor France in the process.

"No! France!"

China's retreating shape bore France's screams of absolute disconsolation.

England's eyebrows nearly glowed with raeg.

"—"

His scream was cut short by a sharp pang of pain that suddenly shot through his abdomen.

About ten minutes earlier, two nations had come across a strange cave in the middle of the English countryside.

"I'm tired, Germany, let's sleep in here," the first nation said. He punctuated this statement with a very drowsy yawn.

"Very well, Italy," the second nation grumbled.

The two hiked off into the cave. As soon as Italy's bare feet touched the cold stone of the inside of the cave, he threw himself onto the floor and fell into a very deep sleep. Germany found an outcrop that could serve as a temporary bed, laid down, and closed his eyes.

_I see it! It's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life! Pasta valley! Look, Romano! Let's go! Wow, this grass is so soft! Come on, slowpoke! Hee hee! Ve~ look, Romano, we're so close now! It smells wonderful!_

The morning rolled in like a shipment barge.

Italy woke up and found that he was in an entirely different room. He must have sleepwalked all the way here. Question was, where was 'here'?

"GERMANEEEEEEEE! AAAAHHH, I'M ALL ALONE! GERMANY! GERMANY, ARE YOU THERE? AAAHHHH..." Italy sat down and curled up into a ball. Soon he fell over onto his side and was lying there like an armadillo.

Germany was woken from his yogurt-swimming dream by screams that sounded a lot like Italy. He immediately ran as fast as he could to the source of the racket.

Italy heard Germany come in and uncurled from the fetal position. He looked around him for the first time, observing his surroundings like Germany always told him to in training. Little dolls of all his friends/enemies were lying on the counter. Lying on the counter with them was an adorable lil doll of England, complete with the brows, and a box of needles right next to it.

Italy looked over the scene and thought he recognised it. _Ve~ those pins are supposed to... heal the person in the doll wherever you stick them, right? Ooh, I'm going to try it on Mr. England!_

Germany wasn't watching Italy very closely, he was preoccupied with the creepy, Satanic atmosphere of the place, so he didn't object to what Italy was about to do. Italy picked up one of the pins and stuck it right into the England doll's chest. Maybe his heart needed some healing after what had happened... it was all over Twitter.

So then Italy, proud that he has done a good deed, screamed, "GERMANY LOOK THERE ARE THESE MAGIC DOLL THINGS OF ME AND THE OTHER COUNTRIES AND THERE ARE NEEDLES AND IF YOU PUT THEM IN THE DOLLS IT WILL VE- HEAL YOU! HERE, I'LL TRY IT ON MYSELF!"

Italy cheerfully took one of the needles and stuck it into the Italy doll's chest. Instantly, he crumpled to the ground in absolute agony.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! G-germany..." Italy's eyelids began to flicker until they closed.

Germany was over there in a split second. "Italy, breathe!"

Italy didn't respond. He let out a long, shuddering breath and was silent.

Germany looked around in a panic and saw the pin in the Italy doll's chest. He jumped to his feet and pulled the pin straight out of the Italy doll.

He turned back to Italy, who was spluttering and coughing. Legs shaking, Italy got up from the floor and went over to the voodoo dolls.

"G-germany... I don't think those dolls bring pain relief..."

"No sh*t, Sherlock," exclaimed Germany.

Italy suddenly remembered. "Oh, I stuck a pin into Mr. England to try and soothe his aching heart! Did you hear? It's all over Twitter!"

"Yeah I did. Poor France, kidnapped by that batsh*t insane China..."

With that they unstuck the metal pin.

Meanwhile, England fled to his other best friend America. America and his fiancee Belarus decided that they were tired of the DisneyLand experience, and went to DisneyWorld in ORLANDO!

England knew where they were because he is a "Twitter stalker."

America just tweeted:

with my fiancee in ORLANDO. Going to Seaworld and Disney. Having a great time, and Belarus's beauty makes me #speechless.  
>5 minutes ago.<p>

America just tweeted:

Orlando. Magic. At. It's. Finest. #speechless

England, being a twitter stalker, immediately ran to America. Maybe he will mend his broken heart.

"America, France was taken away by China! I need help!"

"Hmmm..." Belarus mused. "Russia lives pretty close to China, maybe he knows where the hostage is."

So, Bela, America, and Iggy ran to Russia to see what the hell was going on.

"Oh, Russia!" Belarus said after jamming her finger into the doorbell about a million times.

Russia recognised the voice from those past days where she would come and ask him to get married over and over and over again. It wasn't a pleasant memory.

"Hello sister! How are you doing?" Russia forced a smile

"This is my fiancee, America. Isn't he shizzy?"

Russia was left #speechless for a second. "You actually... got engaged?"

"Yeah. And it's not to you, you stupid hobo vodka stoner ignorant stupid bum Russian Bieber cut lice ridden, no good son of a—"

"Honey!" America interrupted her, "Remember, your blood pressure..."

"Right honey," Bela sulked back next to her lover.

England got down on his knees and clutched Russia's legs.

"OH PLEEEEEEEASE! HELP ME! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS STUCK WITH YOUR BATSH*T INSANE NEIGHBOR, YOU NEED TO HELP ME! AAAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH IT'S TEARING ME APART, RUSSIA!"

"Oh and America, why did you hit Bela?" said Iggy.

"I DID NOT HIT HER I DID NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. O hai China."

China randomly appeared...

"is there a party going on? WHY WASN'T I INVITED?" China screamed while pounding his fist on Russia's beautiful kitchen counter.

"What? How did we get into the kitchen?" said Belarus.

"Motha. Russian. Magic. At. It's. Finest. #speechless," said Russia.

"I should tweet that," said America, the one who won't stop TWEETING.

"You're a dude, America, not a bird. Stop tweeting, it's unnatural." Russia scoffed.

"You gonna start in on me, Russia? Huh? Huh? Wanna mess? That's right, I didn't think so."

Russia rolled his purple eyes. Belarus stared lovingly up at America with those same eyes. And then stared at those creepy-ass eyebrows Iggy has.

"CHINA, TELL ME THE SECRET HIDING PLACE NAO OR I WILL TROLOLO YOU. AND IT WILL MESS YOU UP."

"Ooooh, I'm so scared, Russia aru."

At that instant, Russia opened his mouth and the richest voice and the most paralyzing tune in the world came out: .com/watch?v=32UGD0fV45g

"IT BURNSSSSSSSSSS... China used his magical powers and disappeared... leaving a map... that looks like this: .

There was a little star in the section marked "Kyrgyzstan." And a little writing in a Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencil. It said... 秘密的藏身之处 .

"Does anybody here know Chinese?" exclaimed a stressed-out Belarus. She wants to know many languages... including Chinese and Finnish.

"LEMME USE MAH SMARTPHONE HERP A DERP," said America.

But he couldn't type in the characters.

"DAYUM."

"Lemme go on Amazon and buy a rosetta stone for chinese."

So he did. Hours passed and they finally found out what it meant.

It meant, "Secret Hiding Place."

"LETS GO EVERYBODY. WOOHOO ADVENTURE YAYZEEZ," shouted a presumably high America.

So America, Belarus, Iggy, and Russia set off on their epic adventure.

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

So America, Belarus, Iggy, and Russia set off on their epic adventure.

It was a long, tiring, and boring journey, and eventually everybody got so hungry that they started rapping about it. So they ate at one of Japan's successful sushi chains, called AWESOME SAUCE SUSHI.

"Herro what would you rike?"

"Oh, yeah I'm going to get the... 'California Roll'." said America, eyes trained on the menu. Belarus snatched it out of his hands.

"I'm gonna have the 'Alaska Roll (brought to you by Sarah Palin)'." she grinned at America.

Russia stared down at his. "I'm gonna get the— GARUGAMESH!" He went wall-eyed.

Japan looked at him like... 'WTH dude.'

"Russia do you have some sort of medication you need to take?" asked America.

"Oh yeah... I forgot, da?" Russia reached into his man purse and ate some small, white pills. Immediately his eyes went back to normal.

England just sobbed into the bar counter and ordered like a million shots of whatever.

As Japan was off making whatever they ordered, Russia kept glaring at America as the North American nation laughed with his fiancee, who also HAPPENED to be Russia's sister. England was in such a state that nobody thought that it was wise to disturb him. Even his brows were crying. Which was strange to watch.

After a while, they heard the front door swing. Two figures walked in. Regular citizens.

Japan came out of the back door and served the four nations whatever they ordered. Then he walked away to meet the other customers.

"Mmm, this is really good." America said, mouth full of raw fish.

Russia sighed. "Swallow your food before talking, stupid."

"You're not my mother!"

England looked up, sniffling. "America, swallow your food before talking."

America bowed his head. "Yes, mother."

Belarus cracked up. "England is your mother? Who's your father?"

"France..." England mumbled before screaming and bawling so loud that it shook the windows. "FRANCE IS HIS FATTHHHHEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! WAAAAAA!"

"Oh, so France is Canada's father as well?" Russia said.

Suddenly Canada's ghostlike form floated out of the back room. "Somebody say my name?"

"IT WAS ME, SWEETHEART!" Russia chirped. *i love this line*

Canada smiled warmly. "Hey, baby!"

They started hugging.

Meanwhile, in THE METRO OF MADRID.

Korea was clinging to aniki's back, whispering random gibberish in his ear.

"China, won't you mooooove over, there's not enough room on the metro seat."

"SIGIUENTE PARADA: PLAZA DEL SOL," the recorded announced.

The two lovebird nations exited the subway into a magical land with hundreds of megastores called "EL CORTE INGLES," a mariachi band that knows only 3 songs, a perverted guy dressed up as Bert from Sesame Street that takes pix of u and puts his camera phone in his pants, and a creepy-ass Spongebob that keeps coming close and waving to you. Ah... this land is heaven on Earth... in Madrid.

Just then Spain appeared. Holding a tomato. He threw it at China.

"WHO THREW A TOMATO AT ME?" said the batsh*t nutcase.

Spain ran away, but he was to slow cuz China approached him (he was holding other tomatoes, that gave away that he was the culprit!), and fed him to Spongebob.

Then China bought an Admiral Ackbar alarm clock that says "IT'S A TRAP," from the Collector's Store in El Corte Ingles.

Meanwhile, the other nations have decided to continue their epic adventure of awesome win-ness. To Kyrgyzstan.

"Oh god, we're going to miss our plane..." America muttered while their group traveled across the airport with their luggage.

"The plane leaves at 9:58. It's 9:30. We've got plenty of time."

"Ooh, look! That pizza place looks good!" Belarus led the group to a small cafe. When they got the pizza it was cut up as if a 3-year-old had been cutting it up.

So the four nations shared the pizza... but America took most of it.

"HOLY CRAPZEEZ THE FLIGHT IS LEAVING IN LIEK 5 MINUTES LETS RUN!" exclaimed Russia.

England, still extremely hung over from the sushi bar, had to be dragged to the terminal. When they finally got there, the fat person examining their passports was like, "Huh. So you're from America, you're from England, you're from Russia, and you're from Belarus? International crowd we've got here."

But of course it was all in Spanish so only America understood.

"¡O, sí!"

"You would liek a churro ¿no?" asked the random Spanish flight attendant as they boarded the plane at the last second.

When they found four seats near one another, a voice immidetaly blared in both Chinese and Spanish, "FASTEN YOUR GOD DAMN SEATBELTS, YOU FOOLS. IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPEH RIDE AAAAHAAAAAA~HHAHA!"

"HOLY SH*T ITS CHINA. DOES ANYBODY HAVE A GUN?" screamed a distressed Bela.

"Don't worry, sis! I've got just the trick!" Russia smiled to let the rest know that they were ALLSTATE STANDS. ARE YOU IN GOOD HANDS?

"Wait..." America remembered something. Searand's last words when he gave him the toaster... "IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE. TAKE THIS. AND REMEMBER THE GOLDEN RULE."

"Incest ain't wincest?" asked America. This had made Belarus grumble a little.

"NO THE OTHER GOLDEN RULE: ALL TOASTERS TOAST TOAST!"

America unfastened his seat-belt (even though the fasten seat-belt sign was on... bad America... no cheezburger for you!) and ran to the front of the plane where China was waiting, unaware that several other nations were on the plane with him.

America ran over to China and said the most epic words to begin the most epic final battleeee...

"Hello. My name Alfred F. Jones. You kidnapped my father. Prepare to *deep Ganondorf voice* DIE."

So they fought and fought and fought... until America threw the magical toaster at China. With the epic tossed America screamed "ALL TOASTERS TOAST TOAST MOTHERF**KER!"

China turned into a helpwess wittle kitty and *ganondorf voice again* DIED.

"Wow. That was easy." America collected his magic toaster and admired his work.

A screaming young man came to the scene. "ANIKIIIIII!" He threw himself onto the ground and took a cyanide pill and DIED.

So together they loved each other in HELL.

So after a long flight.. they finally landed in Kyrgyzstan. England started to get happier because he knew the adventure was about to end and he will see his beloved France again.

Using the map that they found... Belarus, America, England, and Motha Russia searched through all corners of the country until they found an imprint of a kitteh in the sand.

"Poor thing, must've been crushed by the hellish, cruel, unforgiving hoof of a My Little Pony." Belarus said sadly.

"Belarus, you're so retarded. That's a DRAWING of a cat." Russia scoffed.

Belarus turned her nose up at him. "Well what crawled up your ass and died, sourpuss?"

"For your information, I am prone to mood swings. Isn't that right, sugar pie?" he cooed the last part at a spot somewhere below him. As if receiving a response, he chirped, "I wuv you too!"

America facepalmed. England led them to the Secret Hiding Place. He was beginning to feel elated at the prospect of seeing France once more.

They made their way through a winding tunnel until they found a secret room. In there was France. Asleep.

"France! FRANCE!" England cried at the top of his lungs while running over to sweep France up in a gigantic hug. France didn't respond for a second, which made England uneasy.

"England..." he mumbled. Then, he realized the gravity of the moment. "ENGLAND! OH, ENGLAND I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE YOU AGAIN! THAT _CHINE_ TOOK ME HERE, IT WAS HORRIBLE! HE TORTURED ME, I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE!"

"Shh..." England held his finger to France's mouth.

Russia went to puke again as they started making out.

Then America and Belarus also started passionately making out.

Eventually they all boarded China's secret private jet and went back to MOTHA RUSSIA.

As the group left their friend Russia, he handed out his business card.

"Bye guys. Take this if you ever want to become one with MOTHA RUSSIA."

"erm.. okey?" America said, while secretly ripping up the business card.

Belarus hugged her brudder before they left to continue wedding plans.

England and France returned to the meadow where they continued their frolicking.

America and Belarus continued their wedding planning.

"I want a wedding with pooooniessss, and unnnnicoooorrrrnsss, and raiiiiinbbbooooowwwws, and pooooniiieesss, and floweeeeeerrrrsrssss, and ponnnniiieeeessss, and..."

This was a long night for America.

Just then a shadowy figure entered the doorway. In his hands were plane tickets to NYC.

TO BE CONTINUED.


	4. Chapter 4

Just then a shadowy figure entered the doorway. In his hands were plane tickets to NYC.

"Who the hell are you, and ," asked Bela.

"Oh. My. JOSHUA. It's my BFF Japan!"

"O. M. GOSH AMERICA! I heard you getting married! Let's have a bachelor party. IN NEW YORK F**KING CITY!"

"Bela, are you okay with me going to NYC with Japan?"

"Um... sure I'll throw my own party and keep planning the wedding. ."

"Sure." Japan said extremely uncharacteristically. "NOW AMERICA LET'S GO PARTAAAY!"

Then he started singing KE$HA.

"TIK TOK ON THE CLOCK GONNA BLOW THIS PERSON UP LIKE OWOWOWOWOWWOOOOO! GONNA COPY POKER FACE LIKE OWOWOWOWWOOOOOO! OWOWOOWOWOOOOOO!"

So Japan invited America's bffls England, France, Veneziano, Shizzeh Romano, and Spain.

OMG NYFC ADVENTUUUUUREEEEEEE.

So the guyz entered Japan's AWESOME SAUCE SUSHI private jet as they headed to NYC.

The first thing they were greeted with in their first ten minutes out of the airport was a honking battle between two road-raging jerks.

"Erm... welcome to NYC everyone!" said a slightly confused Japan.

So they took a Taxi with a 3D picture of a Priscilla drag queen (they exist, i've seen one) over to the CITAAAY. And the driver smelled like Burritos. And monkey ass.

"TO THE MOST EXPENSIVELY AWESOME HOTEL IN THE HISTORY OF EVER" exclaimed Japan.

So the driver sped over to the most expensive hotel in the history of ever.

"OMG SO WHEN IS THIS ADVENTURE GONNA GET EXCITING?" asked a bored France.

"Yeah, this is soo boring," SAID ENGLAND. Who was so bored that he was passionately stroking DEM BROWZZZ.

Once they arrived, a drunk homeless guy dressed up as a mormon missionary dude thing robbed them.

But it was really SEARAND in disguise!

"SEARAND, I thought u died from a tummy ache," said England and his son America in unison.

Searand spat at them, "NO, I AM NOT A CHILD ANYMORE! YOU CAN'T PICK ON ME ANYMORE! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME NOW!"

"Fine, if you aren't a child anymore, then why don't you come with us to the bar on the Empire State Building. We are going drinkinngggg BAYBAY!" said France... he's an odd one.

"OH HONAY." screamed a random passerby.

Searand put his tongue out. "SURE. YOU'RE ON."

Everyone burst out laughing while Searand stood there indignantly.

France wiped his eyes with England's sleeve. "Ahaha, we'll be there at... hmm, say MIDNIGHT? Probably past your bedtime though, squirt."

Searand glowed with raeg, so he ran off into the oncoming traffic and somehow didn't get hit by any cars. That boy didn't go to Safety-Town

So the group checked in to their hotel and went over to the bar. It was 11:55 when they arrived and Searand was already there.

"I've been waiting for you," Searand said, trying to be tough.

"GUUUURRRLLL YOU SCARIN MEEE," said the bartender with bunny ears.

Searand sank into his seat.

"HEY YOU GAIIIIIZZZZ," Searand said, motioning them over to his speshulll booth.

They all sat down and ordered some beers.

Then, suddenly, (F**K YEA) PRUSSIA burst in, not wanting to miss beer because he loves beer.

"HAAAIII PRUSSIA," said an already-drunk Iggy. Even his eyebrows were drunk.

"o hai."

"CMON Searand, you haven't had a beer yet. What are you, CHICKEN? *in tommy wiseau fashion* CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP." said Prussia.

"NOBODY MAKES FUN OF MY FAVORITE FARM ANIMAL!" yelled Searand, he took America's beer and finished it.

America glared at him.

MEANWHILE, Romano was STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR.

With Spain.

Because the elevator couldn't bear the weight of everyone at once, so they had to so separately, and BLADDABLADDABLADDA—

"GAIZ. GAIZ. We r stuck in an elevatorrrrrrrrrrr," said the almighty shizzy one.

"Chillax. I got dis. I LIEK TORTLEZ," said Spain. He whipped out his Android (iPhones are for wusses according to Spain) and called America.

"It's Raining Men (America's ringtone)" started playing.

"Oh sh*t somebody's calling me. IT'S SPAIN."

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY."

"Dood. I'm stuck in an elevator with Romanooooooooo."

"Well that's QUITE FORTUNATE, HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?"

"AMERICA THIS IS NOT THE TIME."

In the background a voice screamed "WE'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF AIR AND DIE AAAAAAHHHH OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGGGGG."

"Romano? Spain, slap him for me. He needs to stay sane."

Spain does so.  
>"SRSLY DOOD U HAVE TO LIEK HELP USS."<p>

"How? I can't magically free you. Goodbye."

"But..." Spain was too late. He hung up

"sshole," said Romano.

Now it's 2:00. Searand fell asleep cuz he was vewy tiwed, Shizzypants and Spain are still in the elevator, and the others were drunk but decided to go back home.

"Sh*tcakes the elevator doesn't work," said a tired Veneziano.

"Let's take the stairs then," said Japan.

"BUT IT'S LIEK 50 FLOOOOOORSS DOWNNN," said America.

"too bad," Japan dragged him down the stairs.

"WAIT GUYZ. Don't leave. My brudder and spain are trapped in an elevator," said Veneziano.

"Just call 911 or something, jeez," said France in a very feminine way.

"FINEEE." Veneziano dialed the number.

"Hello this is 911 what's your emergency?"

"MY BRUDDER AND MY FRIEND ARE TRAPPED IN AN ELEVATOR IN THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING AND THEY ARE GONNA DIE AND THEY ARE TRAPPED AND THEY ARE GONNA DIE AND..."

"Calm down. We're coming right now."

So everybody left. Eventually the two got out and walked back to the hotel.

The next morning.. everybody was hungover.. but the ADVENTUREEE CONTINUESSSS.

"So gaiz.. liek wat do u wanna do today?" said Japan.

"LETS GO SHOPPPANNNNG!" said France.

Everyone groaned. "NO FRANCE WE ARENT GOING SHOPANGGG!" said the group in unison.

"FINE."

"Hhhhmmmmmm... let's go freak people out!"

"YEAH!" England agreed with America's statement.

So they headed over to Bryant Park. Just cuz.

Searand still wanted to be considered "cool and hip and an adult," so he dressed up as a "gangsta."

"YO WAZZUP MAH HOMIES," said Searand.

"DOOD. WTF? UR CRAMPIN MY EPIC STYLE," said Spain.

"OK I'M MAD NAO. I DECLARE A RAP BATTLE," said an angry Searand.

"YOOOOOOOOU. I'M THE TOMATO MASTA, IN CASE YOU WERE ASKIN', I'VE GOT THIS GIRLFRIEND SHE'S SO SHIZZY, SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL IT MAKES ME DIZZY. YEAH, I'M A SPANIARD, FROM THE LAND OF PASSION, GOT SOME CRAZY A$$ PAINTERS AND AWESOME FASHION."

A crowd began to form from the amazing rap.

"AW HEEEEEEELL NO. YOU DID NOT JUST SOUND HOW I THOUGHT YOU DID! DUDE, YOU'RE BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE, SO SICK! I'M SEARAND! I'M THE KING OF THIS TOWN! SO IF YOU DON'T MIND, IMMA BEAT YOU TO THE GROUND—"

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T GURL, Y U SO MEAN? I GUESS BECAUSE YOU'RE A LITTLE GIRL AGED THIRTEEN. OH, YES! I BET YOU WATCH TWILIGHT, GET HIGH OFF OF SWEET TARTS, AND ARE SHY LIKE WOOOOOOOOOOOAH. IS THAT A DOUBLE RAINBOW 'CAUSE THIS IS GETTING INTENSE intense intense intense..."

"YO MOMMA SO—"

"MAN THIS AIN'T A YO MOMMA BATTLE. THIS IS A RAP BATTLE, DAWG!"

"GET A LIFE!"

"GET A WIFE!"

"YOU'RE DUMB!"

"YOU'RE YOUNG."

"WAIT WHAT."

The rap battle halted for a second. You know how Spain is about young people...

Luckily, France seemed to be getting the vibe pretty good.

"OHOHOHOHOH! I KNOW I'M FRENCH. BUT ZAT DON'T MEAN I CAN'T HIT YOU WIFFA WRENCH I'M LIKE WOOOOOOOAH. WOOOOAAAHHH. ZAT EES SO EPIC MAN. DONCHA KNOW? I'M SAILING ALL AROUND ZEES PLACE, TAKEENG OVAR DEH GLOBE."

"Rap. Battle. At. It's Finest. #speechless," tweeted a Broadway actor.

"FRANCE, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. SERIOUSLY IT'S LIKE EVERY EVENT I SEE YOU'RE INVOLVED IN 'EM. I'M SEARAND! I'M THE BEST OF THE BEST, AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE MESS!"

"WHAT ARE YOU, KE$HA? YOU'RE SO FREAKING VAIN. YOU'RE A PAIN, NO DISDAIN, AND YOU'RE ALWAYS ON COCAINE."

Japan got bored with the battle, so he went across the street to Kinokuniya. A store all about his culture. He saw this REALLY CUTE t-shirt, too...

At this point the crowd was huge. People were filming it, and eventually put it up on YouTube where it became a viral internet sensation.

The meme was called "Little British Boy" vs "Spanish Dude" vs "French Dude".  
>EPIC.<p>

Eventually the fight just turned into a bunch of swearing so America just dragged them away to Times Square.

"So... what do you gaiz wanna do nao?"

"O M GOSH CAN WE SEE PRISCILLA?" said France.

"NO!" said America.

"Aaaawww..."

"srsly gaiz lets do smthn awesome. LETS STEAL SOMETHING FROM A MUSEUM," said Iggy.

"No, I have a better idea," said Japan. "let's force SEARAND to steal something!"

"YEAH!" said all the gaiz sounding like a bunch of teenage gurrrls talking bout boys at a slumber party.

"So how are we gonna do it?" America said to them while they were all in a football huddle.

Japan thought for a second.

"FUN FUN FUN FUN LOOKIN FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND," said a homeless violinist trying to sell cds.

"How about we set up something in his proximity so that he sees the precious museum artifact and he CANNOT RESIST stealing it?"

"GENIUS. What does Searand like that's in a museum?" asked the future groom.

"Well, maybe the largest ice cream cone in the world?"

"OMG it could be in coney island," said Veneziano, trying to be funny.

"You're not funny. Now go watch Two and a Half Men," said Japan.

Italy sulked off to a dvd store and bought the complete first and second and third season. Then he sulked off to the hotel room.

Then they set up a giant neon sign that blared "WORLD'S BIGGEST ICE CREAM CONE, NOW ON DISPLAY AT THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY."

"OMG WORLD'S BIGGEST ICE CREAM CONE foih oaiuwehgou jzdb vkjbhlsei," said Searan, so excited that he accidentally bumped into a woman dressed up as a koala handing out flyers saying go see priscilla.

"LETS GO TO THE MUSEUM GAIZZZZZZZZZZZZ,"

"fine," said America.

So the group set off to the museum. Searand led the way while the other gurrrllls were hanging out farther away giggling.

"Hmmmm... I think I should STEAL IT!" Searand cried.

"omg Searand, if you do... maybe you can be considered 'manry' enough to officially join the club," Japan dared.

"I'll give you 20 quid if ya do," said England.

"hm... FINE i'll do it!"

Later that evening, when the museum had closed, Searand was lowered from the ceiling like a ninja ALL BY HIMSELF. The others were staked out and recording it with their cell phones, trying not to burst out laughing. Across the hall, the ice cream cone glowed with the security lasers. Miraculously, Searand managed to get the cone out of the lasers without setting anything off. Everyone was #speechless.

MEANWHILE: Romania, dressed up as a vampire approached a crowd of people.  
>"This is it.. I know it," he said.<p>

"ummm is this where i can meet Harry Potter?" Romania asked a woman with a very large backpack.

"YEP!" she said obnoxiously.

"Excellent," he said in an evil voice.

"May I pass you to be in the front row. I need to talk to him," the vampire asked politely.

"NO!" the b*tchy backpack lady said.

Romania took out a knife and slit her throat, and then sucked out all of her blood.(HALLELUJAH! AMEN!)

So Array came out.

He approached Romania.

"Vampires are better than wizards," he said, and disappeared.

"DAMN! Second time this week." Old Danny boy snapped his fingers like AW SHUCKS.

MEANWHILE Back at the museum, pure epicness was taking place.

"WHY THE HELL ARE ALL THE EXHIBITS COMING TO LIFE?"

Ben Stiller appeared. He said, "O hai. I'm famous. I have money. I'm richer than you mwahahaha," and disappeared.

"Uhh..." Japan stared blankly ahead.

Searand actually created a distraction. He made all the exhibits come to life, thus distracting Ben Stiller, so he ran out the front door, ginormous ice cream cone in hand, and ran back to the hotel, nearly colliding into some annoying pr*ck texting.

"OH WHAT A NIGHT!" said America.

"rly? Quoting Jersey Boys? wow..." said some random douche on the street.

"Guys, can we go back to the hotel?" asked a tired Spain.

"Sure. Tomorrow's our rast day... ret's do something speciar," said Japan.

"O M GOSH CAN WE SEE PRISCILLA?" asked France again.

"NO!" said everybody again.

"Well, can we go SHOPPANG at PRADA?"

"NO!"

"Let's end this bachelor party with a cliche! Let's go to the top of the f**king STATUE OF ," said America.

"Well, you're the groom. SURE LETS DO IT GAIZ," said Spain.

So after a long rest they headed over to the tip of Manhattan where they waited for a ferry to the Statue of Liberty.

The group boarded the ferry and they headed to the island.

"Ok, last NYC activity. LETS DO THIS," said America.

"Aiight dawg," said Searand, trying to sound cool, even though he was kinda cool from the bad$$ deed he did at the museum the night before.

So, the gang started the loooooonggggg climb up the stairs to the crown.  
>"I'm tired," France huffed after the first 20 steps.<p>

"You're a f**king wuss," said Japan.

France pouted, "I'm TRYING to be a proper lady here!" He then linked arms with England and traveled daintily up the steps.

Japan smacked his forehead. "Okay..." he looked behind him at the rest of the group.

Romano had gotten a splinter so Spain was carrying him bridal-style. Feliciano had finally manned up and wasn't relying on anyone.

When they got to the top, everyone was exhausted, but the view of New York F**king City was worth it.

Everybody got a second wind and was enjoying themselves. Except Searand. He has a fear of heights, but only when he is outside.

"GAIZ.. umm... erm... im scared."

"WUSS," yelled japan.

"C'mon get closer u WUSS," said England.

"JUST DO IT. LIKE NIKE," said Romano, rather shizzily.

So he does.

"So do you like the view," said America.

"Ye-"

America pushed him off the Statue of Liberty. Into the water. But don't worry Searand survived. He just went back to the hotel and left.

"THANK GOD HE'S GONE!" said Spain.

"Let's climb back down and go to teh BARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR," said Veneziano.

"Jeez Veneziano, I didn't know you were so eager to drink. What's gotten INTO YOU? Is it that potato macho man again? HUH? HUH?" Romano demanded.

"Look, it's our last night, and it's America's last epic night as an unmarried man. The wedding is in three weeks ya know," said Veneziano "so let's live in a cliche and spend our last NYC moment in the bar!"

"Can we go shoppannnnggggg and/or see Priscilla?"

"NO, FRANCE. WE CAN'T GO SHOPPING OR SEE PRISCILLA," Japan shouted. "FOR THE LAST TIME YOU RETARD."

France started crying really really hard. So hard that he needed a TISSUE.  
>FOR HIS ISSUE.<p>

AAAAAAAAAW YEEEEEEEEAHHHHH!

So.. the gurrrrls lived in a cliche and spent their last fun moment in NYC in a bar. The next day they headed home. They really had the time of their lives. Except France. He wanted to go shoppannnngg and see Priscilla quite badly. Honestly, a little _too_ badly.

When America got back home, something tragic happened. Bela was gone and there was a note.

"Dear America,  
>I captured Bela.<br>I should be your wife.  
>Love,<br>Ukraine.

"OH MY GOD! MY FIANCEE HAS BEEN CAPTURED BY HER EVIL STEPSISTER!"

TO BE CONTINUED.


	5. Chapter 5

"Dear America,  
>I captured Bela.<br>I should be your wife.  
>Love,<br>Ukraine.

OH MY GOD! MY FIANCEE HAS BEEN CAPTURED BY HER EVIL STEPSISTER!"

America whipped out his iPhone 4 and called Iggy.

"DOOD. i have horrible news," said America.

"Wat?"

"BELA'S BEEN CAPTURED BY UKRAINE!"

"That's horrible."

"HELP MEEE!"

"Why should I?"

"Cuz i helped you rescue your soulmate..."

"Oh yeah. I'm comin over right now!"

So, in a matter of seconds, Iggy walked into America's house.

"Any clues?" England said, whipping on a Sherlock Holmes getup and looking around with a magnifying glass.

"Well, there is this note..." America said halfheartedly.

"WHAT WHERE? THIS COULD BE A GIGANTIC GIGA PUDDING TASTIC CLUE."

"Here..." America said before slinking out of the room to go and take a REAAALLLY long shower.

"Hmmm..." England looked over the note. Every word, every line. He spoke it over and over again to see if some sort of rhythm came up. The one clue was that Ukraine wanted to be America's wife, which he thought was a little RETARDED. If she wanted to be his wife, then it only meant that she was going to try and dispose of Belarus! Her own sister! England had to work fast. He knew how girls got. He bent down, sat down, and took a very close look at the paper.

"Hmmm..." he said once more, talking to himself to try and clear things up verbally. "This paper seems to be from Staples, so she couldn't have gotten far. And the writing is in an old style of ink which, if I have my facts straight, was manufactured during the Soviet era."

IT COULD ONLY MEAN ONE THING.

In Soviet Russia, time travels through YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!

At that moment, America screamed from the shower. England lifted his head up and looked towards the direction it came from.

"AMERICA? You all right?"

England took the silence as a 'no.' He sighed and stood. From there, he could make his way through America's home to the bathroom quite easily. When he reached the bathroom door, he noticed that it was ajar and steam was pouring out.

"America? Hello, you all right?" England knocked with the back of his hand.

No response. England decided that he had to find out what in the name of THE QUEEN was going on there. He pushed on the door and let some of the steam out of the room. The scene that greeted him was like something out of a horror movie. America was on the floor, fainted—or, for a manlier word, 'passed out'—with the shower curtain ripped off the pole at the top of his shower and wrapped around him. The shower was still running but England could still see why America had screamed and then fainted.

The back of the shower had a message scrawled on with like... Sharpie or something. The message read:

AMERICA, MAN, I'VE GOT YOUR GIRL  
>AND IF YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN THE WORLD<br>YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO THINK FAST  
>CAUSE HER TIME IS TICKING<br>FIND ME WHERE LOLLIPOPS ARE LICKING  
>AND WINNERS FINISH LAST.<p>

England didn't need his Sherlock Holmes getup to realize what it meant. Now, how was he supposed to go back to Soviet Russia with America? The only solution was to look for more clues.

As England was looking for more clues, America woke up... dazed and confused...  
>"erngn... wha happened?" America yawned.<p>

He put on some clothes and left the bathroom. He saw England and nearly had a heart attack to see his bff there... but then he remembered the past hour's bizarre events.

"So... do you know where Ukraine, the second psychopath this week, is keeping my sweet girl?" America asked as they were walking down his hallway.

"Well, I know they're somewhere in Soviet Russia and we have to time travel there and Belarus's time is ticking so we gotta get there fast and—"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH hold the phone! We've gotta go back in time? Just HOW do you expect us to do that?"

The two rounded a corner. "I'm working on it..." England mumbled as he looked for clues.

Hours passed, and he noticed the shadow of a girl- he could easily tell it was a girl... her boobs were huge! She left a note and took out a bottle of pills. She accidentally dropped 4 pills and disappeared. Maybe these pills allow the girl to time travel?

England needed to find out. He ran over there and picked up those pills.

"Hey America, I found these pills. I think they will take us back in time to Soviet Russia!"

"GImme one! Let's go! TO SOVIET RUSSIA! Let's get mah baybay back! EPIC RESCUE ADVENTUREEEEEEE!" said America as he swallowed the pill. England did the same.

Immediately the two were transported through time and space. England felt the ground underneath him give way. For a few seconds it felt like slow motion, zero-gravity stuff, but they suddenly crashed onto the ground and were shoved back into reality.

"Aw, ouch..." America sat up, rubbing his head.

England stayed on the ground, staring up at the grayish-blue sky for a second. The clouds seemed foreboding, like they were watching him... evaluating him.

England smacked himself. They were in Soviet Russia! And in Soviet Russia, clouds watch you.

America looked at England quizzically. He, obviously, hadn't noticed the strange place they had just been landed into.

"Hey England?"

"Hm?"

"How do we get back?"

"Well, I saved the other two pills, so I'm assuming that they'll take us back."

"But what about Belarus?"

"I'm sure Ukraine has PLENTY of those pills with her. We can steal one while she isn't looking or something," Iggy reassured America.

"Now... where the hell should we go?"

"OH YEAH. Ukraine left a note when she dropped the peelz. Maybe it's some sort of clue. It says:

SO I SEE YOU'VE DISCOVERED MY TRIPPY PILLZ.  
>TAKE THEM WITH CARE, OR YOU MAY FEEL ILL<br>NOW WHERE TO START LOOKING?  
>WHERE I'LL BE BOOKING<br>IN SOVIET RUSSIA, THINGS ARE TURNED AROUND  
>YOU WILL FIND ME SOMEWHERE ACROSS FLAT GROUND."<p>

England furrowed his seriously gigantic eyebrows at this. "Flat ground?"

America thought for a second. Then he had an epiphany. "EUREKA!"

"What?"

"Flat ground! Booking! Don't you see? TRAINS!"

"Oh! Okay well... where's the nearest train station?"

"OOH A SIGN. It says next train station is 3 miles. Let's go! I need to see my Bela really soon!"

So the guyz walked three miles. The journey was quite uneventful... except for the hobo who stalked them for five minutes but then left because he wanted to play Tetris.

"For the last time, Mr. Hobo! I don't wanna play Tetris!"

" IN SOVIET RUSSIA YOU NO PLAY TETRIS. TETRIS PLAY YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!" the man said.

Both the Anglophones walked on.

"HEY! A TRAIN STATION!" America pointed.

England took America's arm and put it back at his side. "America, it's rude to point."

"WHOOPS SORRY."

So when they finally reached the train station, they were surprized to find no sign of Ukraine or Belarus. All that they found was another. Freaking. NOTE.

"Here we go again:

TAKE THAT TRAIN, DAWG!  
>YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT'S ABOUT TO LEAVE?<br>I WAS BORN THIS WAY!  
>SO GET ON THE STUPID TRAIN!"<p>

England puffed. "Well she wasn't feeling creative."

America, though, was already over buying tickets.

"BABBIDABOOPI? BABBADIBABBIDABABBIDA."

The man handed him the tickets.

"COME ON VAMANOS! EVERYBODY LETS GO! EVERYONE HOP TO IT, WE KNOW THAT WE CAN DO IT! DORA THE EXPLODER!"

"EXPLORER."

"NYEH. SAME THING."

And so they sat on the train. Under their seats was a note. AGAIN. Like Ukraine had ALL FREAKING DAY to write these notes.

"Jeezus Christ another note," said Iggy, who was soooo bored that he was stroking his beautiful eyebrows.

America knew the drill, and he opened the note and read it out loud. It said...

"HA. NOW YOU'VE TAKEN THE TRAIN.  
>THAT WASN'T A METAPHOR, YOU PAIN.<br>GET OFF AT THE SECOND STOP, OR ELSE  
>YOU'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.<br>OH AND ENGLAND. YOU'RE WELSH."

"I'm Welsh? WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"So, according to this convinently placed train schedule, the second stop is in about... one and a half hours. I'll take the first shift."

England curled up on the seat and fell asleep while America sat. Fourty five minutes later, America woke England up and America slept. BECUASE IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT KTHXBAI.

When they got there, finally there were no more notes. It was pretty obvious which way Ukraine wanted them to go: straight up to her secret lair.

"This seems like... a trap."

"IT'S A TRAAAP!" America made a derp face. "Oh, and in Soviet Russia, you trap the traps."

"Oh right."

"Oh yeah."

So they skipped all the way to where America's lovely fiancee was being held captive.

When they arrived, they saw the evil woman who captured Bela: UKRAINE! *dun dun dunnn* She was eating a cookie for some reason.

"Why, hello. I see you have walked right into my TRAP!" she cackled and pressed a big red button.

"Au contraire, my good madam, but IN SOVIET RUSSIA BIG RED BUTTON PUSH YOU!"

"You have angered me! I DECLARE A "IN SOVIET RUSSIA" BATTLE!"

"AW HELL YES! IN SOVIET RUSSIA, FRIDAY GET DOWN ON YOU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, TETRIS PLAY YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, BACK SEAT SIT IN YOU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA CEREAL GOTTA HAVE YOUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, DOG WALK YOOOUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, VODKA DRINK YOOOOUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, PENCILS WRITE WITH YOOOOUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, TOILET FLUSH YOUUUUUUUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, PINS STICK YOOOOUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, BED SLEEP ON YOUUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, MOON FLIES TO YOOOOUUU!"

The battle was too epic for poor Iggy and his browz. He fainted.

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, GOLF CLUBS HIT YOUUUUUUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, EYEBROWS PLUCK YOOOOUUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA TWITTER USES YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, TV WATCH YOOOOUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, WALMART SHOPS AT YOUUUUUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, WALDO FINDS YOOOOUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, BROOM SWEEPS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, TOASTERS TOAST YOUUUUUUUUUU!"

That gave America an idea.

"NO! YOU ARE WRONG UKRAINE! YOU NEED TO KNOW THE GOLDEN RULE! ALL TOASTERS TOAST TOAST MOTHERF**KER!" said America as he threw the toaster at Ukraine just like when he killed China.

The toaster hit Ukraine's chest, and bounced off her giant... well... you know... and hit the wall, causing a MASSIVE EXPLOSION.

"OMG NOT MAI LAIR THIS TOOK SO MUCH MONEY TO BUILD!"  
>Iggy woke back up from the explosion.<p>

America noticed a key sticking out of her pocket and the box of epic tiem travel peelz.

"There must be some way to defeat her," thought America.

"hmmmmmmmm..."

"UKRAINE I LOVE YOU."

"lolwut?"

"Yesh. Nao give me that key and peelz so we can be happy together."

"OMG U SO STOOPID I'M NOT AN IDIOT. BABY BABY BABY NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

At this point, Sherlock Iggy decided to cook some bangers and mash for Ukraine... with a speshulll secret ingredient.

"Hey Ukraine... erm I love you... so can i make you something special in teh kitchen?" said iggy.

"Sure."

So he slipped over there and started cooking.

40 minutes later.

"um... here."

He handed her the food. Ukraine was quite hungry.

Then Admiral Ackbar appeared just in tiem.

"IT'S A TRAP!" he said just as Ukraine swallowed her food.

Then the chairman from Iron Chef appeared.

"The Secret Ingredient is... POISON!"

And with that Ukraine was poisoned, so America grabbed the key and the peelz and headed up to the locked door where his lover is.

"BELARUS! BELARUS! Which room are you in?"

"I'm here, America!" her voice came from the door at the end of the hall.

America almost ran face-first into the door trying to unlock it. "BELARUS, OH BELARUS!" America cried, running over to where Belarus was. They hugged really hard, then went downstairs to escape Soviet Russia and get back to the present.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	6. Chapter 6

THE BIG DAY. IT WAS FINALLY THERE.

The happy couple was so excited and nervous they were shaking. Everyone was trembling with excitement except for Russia, who, of course, didn't really like them together.

The ceremony began. Searand skipped down the aisle (he was the closest they could get to a flower girl). Following him were the bride and her bridesmaid, Hungary.

Up at the altar stood Italy in bishop garb, holding a bible.

Then America walked up with Japayun, and then him and Hungary stood off to the side.

Then the ceremony began.

Italy droned on and on and on and on, and then there was the EXCITING PART!

"I, America, take you, Belarus, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."

Italy looked at Belarus expectantly.

"And I, Belarus, take you, America, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."

"You may kiss the bride."

Russia went to go vomit for like the THIRD TIME.

"Jeesus Russia, you have a very weak stomach." said (F**k yeah!) Prussia, who was, at the time, in the bathroom washing his countenance.

"Whut." Russia said before throwing up some more.

Prussia felt that he was too awesome to repeat himself, so he shrugged and said, "You're a wuss."

"Kolkolkol..." Russia said halfheartedly. "It's not going to be long before they have little American/Belarusian BABIES. And they're going to be running around, and my stomach won't be able to TAKE IT!"

"Dayum, bro. I think this calls for some rapping. Follow me to the PARTY!"

Russia got up, straightened his scarf, and followed his bffl to the hall where everyone was rejoicing.

Suddenly, a bouquet flew from Belarus to a group of women gathered a few meters away. There was a bit of ruckus, and then Hungary emerged triumphantly with the bundle. She saw Prussia by the door and went to give him a big hug.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

Then everybody made their way to the partay! This was where Russia and Prussia will hold the most EPICLY EPIC rap battle. Even more epic than the one with Spain and Searand in Bryant Park during America's bachelor party.

"HEY BRO, RUSSIA, YOU GOTTA GET YO TUMMY CHECKED. CAUSE WHENEVER YOUR LITTLE SISTER IS WITH HER HUSBAND, YOU RETCH. I'M SERIOUS BRO, GO ON A DIET. OR SOMETHING, JUST MAKE SURE YOU TRY IT."

"The f**k is this?" said Belarus.

"I'M SORRY, BRO, PRUSSIA, IT CAN'T BE HELPED. I THROW UP WAY, WAY, WAY TOO MUCH, YOU YELP! IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT'S JUST THEY GROW UP TOO FAST. SEEMS LIKE EVERY DAY I'M REMEMBERIN' THE PAST."

"I'm not sure..." America whispered.

"BRO, RUSSIA, YO. YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS. YOU'RE LIKE KE$HA, WAKIN UP IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE *beep*! THIS CYCLE OF ENDLESS VOMITING HAS GOTTA BE STOPPED! THE STOPPER IN YOUR STOMACH HAS GOTTA BE POPPED!"

"PRUSSIA, BRO, I KNOW I GOTTA STOP DRINKING. BUT THIS ENTIRE ORDEAL HAS GOT ME THINKING. WHAT IS UP WITH MODERN SOCIETY, HUH? SEEMS LIKE THERE ARE RAPPERS EVERYWHERE GOING DUH DUH DUH."

"Russia, you fail."

And so the rap battle came to a close.

"THANK YOU DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN," said France.

"LIKE TOTALLY!" said Poland.

"Who invited him..." Japan whispered to Hong Kong.

Hong Kong merely fell over into the giant lump of giga pudding.

Now tiem for the cake. Squeee!

So a giant chocolate cake with vanilla frosting came out. And it attacked Tokyo. And Japan had to leave the party.

"Bai bai Japan- bro!" said the drunken groom.

Then Bela's favorite moment happened. !

A wittle pink pony that crapped rainbows with a heart tattoo on its butt came out and Bela had a squee cuteness attack.

In fact, all the ladies did, including the following ladies who were invited: Liechtenstein, Hungary, Taiwan, and Seychelles.

"Oh. My. Joshua. This is sooo cuteeee! Squee! said Hungary.

"YA! IKR? OMG I WANNA HUG IT AND KISS ITTTTTTTT" said Liechtenstein.

"CMON GURRLS WHEN THIS WEDDING IS OVER LETS GO SHOPPPANNNNNNNNNNG FOR POOOOOOOOOONNNNIEEEEEEEEEEES LIKE THIS ONE!" said a (presumably high) Seychelles.

Everyone just stared at her.

Then she started doing flips and got caught in the ducts and *deep Ganondorf voice* DIED.

"Oh my god, _Angleterre_! Our only daughter has been killed by ducts!"

"OMG. Wait why aren't we married, we have like a million kids."

"IDK."

"Why Seychelles! WHY MUST YOU LEAVE US SO SOOOOOON!"

Seychelles popped her head up. "GUYS, I'M NOT REALLY DEAD."

"YAYZEEZ," said France.

England went and hugged her. "Good that you're back with us, lass."

Seychelles, who was still high, started laughing derpily—HURR DURR HURR DURR—and did flips until she went through the window.

Meanwhile, Hong Kong was eating his way out of the giant GIGA PUDDING, America and Italy were having a dance-off, and Japan was being hospitalized.

Hong Kong was having some difficulty, since she cook a dead guy, hey fatty, and the gangsters are happy. But luckily, he inherited his father's awesome eyebrows and managed to burn his way out of the giga pudding.

This wedding party was about to die down... until AUSTRALIA came in... just cuz.

"LETS GET THIS FREAKING PARTY STARTEEEEDDDDDDDD, AIIIIIIGHHTT MATE," he said.

"Oh Lord, it's Australia." England facepalmed.

Then Australia went up to the mike and started singing "Shake Your Groove Thang."

A few other nations joined in, while most of them started dancing. Once the song was over, Russia stepped up to the mike. This otherworldly sound came out of his mouth: .com/watch?v=32UGD0fV45g

Most nations covered their ears. Some joined in, such as the BALTIC STATES and Po Po the Policewoman (Poland). When it was FINALLY done, Romano came up.

"WHAT IS LOVE? Baby don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! NO MORE!" Romano sung, staring straight at Spain the entire time. Spain was standing with France and Prussia, and the three of them were bobbing their heads to the beat.

Then a drunk and high France got up and started singing the Badger song.  
>.comwatch?v=EIyixC9NsLI

Off to the side, Romano and Spain had a little bit of a scene.

Romano looked up into Spain's eyes, tears bubbling up, mouth quivering. "Somewhere, deep down in my heart... I STILL _LOVE_ YOU!"

Then Spain made the strangest noise, like constipated baby hippos in a choir.

Then they started passionately hugging.

Prussia looked disturbed by the whole "constipated baby hippos" thing. But France was just happy because there was romance, albeit a BAD ROMANCE!

"Ra, ra, ra ra ra  
>Roma Roma ma<br>Gaga ooh la la  
>Want your bad romance.<br>I want your love and I don't want your revenge.  
>You and me could write a bad romance.<br>OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH  
>Caught in a bad romance." sang Spain and Romano.<p>

After the random burst into Lady Gaga song, everybody applauded the duo as they skipped off the stage linking arms.

Next, Germany went up to the mike. He sang German Sparkle Party with Austria and Switzerland.

"WE LIEK GERMAN SPARKLE PARTEH." Germany sang.

In the background Austria and Switzy choused: "Sparkle party, sparkle party."

And so it was.

AND SO GOD INVENTED THE LIGHT BULB.  
>HUZZAH.<p>

Then Liechtenstein skipped up to the mike and sang "Suga Baby."

"I AM SUGA BABY THE REAL SUGA BABY ALL THE OTHER SUGA BABEHS ARE JUST IMITATING."

"THAT'S MAH GURL NOW." Switzy rapped in the background.

Then Seychelles flipped back into the window and ate some cake, got high, and started singing.

"BADGER BADGER BADGER..."

Then Charlie bit England's finger... AGAIN!

"OUCH CHARLIE ! THAT REALLY HURT." wailed Iggy.

"HEHEHE." Charlie gurgled happily.

Then Charlie the Unicorn and Charlie Sheen (WINNING) and Charlie in the Chocolate Factory showed up aru.

"I'M A TOTAL FREAKIN' ROCKSTAR. FROM MARS."

"WINNING." sang Charlie the Unicorn, before he flew out of the window screaming, "I WILL FIND YOU, CANDY MOUNTAIN."

Then the Greatest Freakout Ever Kid appeared and shoved a remote up his butt.

"IS THIS WHAT YOU WAAAAAAANT?"

Then he followed Charlie the Unicorn on his pursuit of Candy Mountain.

CANDY MOUNTAIN CHARLIE CANDY MOUNTAINNNNNNNNNNNNNN."

At this point the wedding was drawing to a close so many guests drunkenly left the wedding. Everyone had a great time. Even when Romano had that little moment.

What was next? Russia's worst nightmare.

CHILDREN.

*DUN DUN DUNNN*

TO BE CONTINUED...


End file.
